Never Say Never

Dear Charlie,

Before I was a mom, I will admit that I used to judge other mothers.  “Why can’t she keep her kid quiet?”  I used to think.  “When I am a mother, my kids will know better.”  As I am learning, just because kids know better doesn’t mean they won’t do it.  I have a list of things that I said I would never do that I have totally done:

I will NEVER:

• Let my children watch “Dora the Explorer.” – I heard Aunt Jennifer explain once that the show teaches Spanglish instead of Spanish.  I agreed with her assessment at the time.  Now I really don’t care at all.  I laugh out loud when you and Ella attempt to shout out the words in Spanish (and fail miserably), and I love it when you see a picture of her and say, “Hi Dora!”
• Let my children misbehave in public. – I really try to accommodate those who are out to dinner at a nice restaurant by taking my child out if he/she is crying.  I do the same during church.  When I am grocery shopping or any other place that people don’t go for peace and quiet, forget about it.  I always pack snacks and do my best, but many times I have to throw up my hands and just smile while my child is screaming like a banshee.
• Use childproof locks. – My mother-in-law, whom I love and admire, told me that she never used child proofing.  She taught her kids not to touch things they weren’t supposed to.  It sounded really good at the time.  I will tell you that I honestly believed it was possible, and so I tried to “train” you and Ella not to get into the dog dish.  It has been two and a half years of training, and I have yet to have one day where I am not cleaning up dog food and water off the floor.  I wish I knew how Cindy did it. 
• Spank my children. – “Spanking children teaches them to hit when they are angry.”  When I read this, I also believed it, and still do . . . sort of.  There are times in children’s lives where they don’t understand reason, they don’t understand “time-outs,” and they don’t respond to my persistent pleas telling them to stop.  For example, when I am trying to change your poopy diaper, and you are fighting me by kicking your legs and rolling your body from side-to-side, you get spanked.  I’m sorry if it scars you for life, but I can’t have you flinging poop all over the room.  (P.S. I’ve tried using toys as distractions, singing songs, making it a game, etc.  I’ve tried the positive, and sometimes they work.  When they don’t, a quick swat to the clean cheek does the trick.)
• Make my children different meals. – You get what you get or else you don’t eat.  This philosophy also sounded great.  I don’t want to cook different meals for each member of the family, and you will eventually be hungry enough that you will eat what I make you.  Unfortunately, the time that you and Ella decide that you are hungry because you didn’t eat enough dinner is usually around 3 or 4 in the morning.  Lucky for me, neither of you are real picky eaters.  I haven’t had to make you different meals, except for when you want different cereals for breakfast, but I don’t think that really counts.  I do try to fill up your tummies with milk or a healthy smoothie before bed so that I don’t have to deal with middle-of-the-night hunger pangs.
• Let my child sleep in the same bed with me. – I read all kinds of articles about how children have suffocated from co-sleeping.  I’m scared to death of it.  When I had Lily and all she wanted to do was snuggle with me all night, and I was exhausted from never sleeping, I caved.  I didn’t do it often, but it was totally worth the extra sleep.  Thank goodness, no one was hurt.
• Yell at my children. – I’m working on it.  I have to repent everyday, but I still believe it is something I should only do if your lives are in danger.  I know someday I will have this perfected.

I’m sure there are many other things that I said I would never do that I have done.  I apologize to any mothers if I gave you a judging look.  Please know that Karma has come to bite me in the butt.  I get those looks all the time, but it really doesn’t bother me at all.  I know I am working hard to do the best I can for you.  Charlie, I know you will love me even though I make mistakes sometimes.  Just know that I am striving to be a better mother everyday.  I have learned a lot of lessons over these past few years, and one of them is to never say that you will never do something.  Chances are, life will humble you into understanding why people do what they do.  Thank you kids for allowing me to learn new lessons everyday.

Love,

Mom