When I was a kid, we used to play this game called "what's grosser than gross?" You would then give two gross scenarios and the other person would have to pick which they would rather have happen. For example, what's grosser than gross: finding a band-aid in your burger or biting off your big toe nail? You get the idea?
Well, I thought we could play a little "what's grosser than gross" with all of the things you have put in your mouth. Here we go:
Fruit snacks that have fallen in the dirt
A cigarette butt
An old soda can you found at the park and tried to drink out of
The toilet brush
The toilet plunger
Dog poop
Money
Hair brushes
Straight up dirt (and you kept going back for more)
Dog food
Pond water infested with mosquito larva
Ella's potty training seat (I swear you thought it was a teething ring)
Bubble soap
My flip flops (not just the shoe, but the little plastic part that comes out of the bottom is your favorite)
Bullet shells
Crayons
And those are just the ones that I have caught you eating. Who knows what else has been in your mouth.
I do realize that this letter is just as much (if not more) a reflection on my parenting skills. Hey, I was pregnant and slow for most of your experimental phase. I still give you kisses even though I know what's been on those lips. Now I'm going to go and brush my teeth. Gross Charlie!
XOXOXO,
Mom
